When people decide to become a youth mentor, they often picture having deep, life-changing conversations over coffee or helping a young person navigate major academic or personal milestones. While those moments certainly happen, experts in youth development point out that the real secret to a transformative mentoring relationship is actually much simpler—and a lot more fun.
It starts with play.
In Chapter 3 of MENTOR’s resource guide, Becoming a Better Mentor, Dr. Michael Karcher breaks down why fun isn’t just a pleasant extra in mentoring—it is the core engine that drives trust, emotional safety, and personal growth.
If you’re considering mentoring in our community, here is a deeper look at what the research says about play, and why it matters so much for youth in the Park Rapids area.
1. Play is Tool #1 in the Mentoring Toolkit
In his research on youth mentoring, Dr. Karcher outlines four main building blocks of mentor-mentee interactions:
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Playing (Shared enjoyment and fun)
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Talking (Open communication and active listening)
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Learning (Discovering new skills or perspectives)
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Doing (Working on tasks or joint projects)
While all four have their place, playing comes first for a reason. Play breaks down adult-youth power dynamics, lowers social anxiety, and places both people on equal footing. When you shoot hoops, play a board game, or bake cookies together, you create a shared environment where trust builds naturally. Without that foundation of shared fun, trying to jump straight into heavy advice-giving or skill-building can feel forced or intimidating for a young person.
2. Activity-First vs. Goal-First: Why “Side-by-Side” Connection Works
Adults tend to be goal-oriented. When we commit to something, we want to see immediate progress or measurable results. But Dr. Karcher emphasizes that young people connect best side-by-side rather than face-to-face.
Sitting across a table answering direct questions like “How was school today?” can feel like an interrogation to a child or teen. However, when you’re both focused on an activity—like casting a fishing line, working on a craft, or riding bikes—the pressure vanishes. When your hands are busy having fun, genuine conversations and updates about life happen organically in the quiet moments between the action.
3. The Power of “Serious Playfulness”
One of the most valuable concepts in Chapter 3 is what researchers call a playful approach.
Kids and teens face constant performance pressure—from school grades and sports to social media and family responsibilities. Having an adult present who isn’t evaluating them, grading them, or expecting perfection is rare.
When a mentor approaches an activity with humor, willingness to try new things (and even fail at them lightheartedly), it gives youth permission to drop their defenses. Taking your commitment to a young person seriously doesn’t mean you have to act serious. In fact, showing a young person that it’s okay to laugh at yourself is one of the healthiest behaviors an adult can model.
How This Fits the Mission of Kinship of the Park Rapids Area
This research aligns directly with the heart of Kinship of the Park Rapids Area. We don’t ask our mentors to be tutors, therapists, or strict disciplinarians. We ask them to be supportive adult friends who show up consistently to share simple, positive experiences.
You don’t need special expertise or a fancy itinerary to change a child’s outlook. You just need a couple of hours a month and a willingness to engage.
In the Park Rapids area, play can take almost any shape depending on what you and your mentee enjoy:
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Outdoors: Exploring local trails, visiting Heartland Park, throwing a frisbee, or going ice fishing in the winter.
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Creative & Low-Key: Building a LEGO set, trying a new recipe, drawing, or playing card games at a local coffee shop.
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Exploring Community: Attending local sporting events, checking out community activities, or learning a simple new hobby together.
These low-pressure, everyday moments build resilience, self-confidence, and a sense of belonging that stays with a young person long into the future.
Frequently Asked Questions About Mentoring with Kinship
How much time does it take?
Most matches meet for 4 to 6 hours per month (often broken into two or three short visits). Because activities are flexible, you and your mentee can schedule outings around your work, family, and personal routine.
Is mentoring expensive?
Not at all. In fact, we encourage low-cost or free activities! The goal is connection, not spending money. Walking a local trail, kicking a soccer ball, or doing a craft at home are often the most meaningful outings. Kinship also occasionally hosts free group events for matches.
What if I don’t know what activities to do?
You won’t be on your own! Kinship provides ongoing support, activity ideas, and resources to help you and your mentee find shared interests. Plus, asking your mentee what they like to do is half the fun.
Ready to Bring More Play into a Young Person’s Life?
There are local youth right now waiting for a Kinship mentor—someone to share a laugh with, try new activities with, and rely on for steady encouragement. By investing just a few hours a month, you can offer a young person in our community a safe space to relax, play, and thrive.
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Curious about how our programs work? Take a look through our website to learn about program options and our straightforward onboarding process.
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Ready to make an impact? Step forward and fill out an application today.